In a world where so many people feel the pressure to conform, blend in, or fit a certain mold, there’s tremendous value in embracing and being transparent about what your "normal" is. Whether it's in your professional life, personal relationships, or in social settings, hiding who you are can create long-term negative impacts—not only on your well-being but also on how others perceive and interact with you.
Being quiet about who you are and what you bring to the table may seem like a way to avoid conflict or discomfort, but in reality, it often leads to misalignment, confusion, and even resentment. On the flip side, owning your internal value and being transparent about what you can provide leads to clarity, empowerment, and stronger connections. This transparency allows you to make adult decisions, operate effectively, and even thrive in spaces where not everyone shares your values. Understanding Your Normal: What Does It Mean? Your "normal" is the way you operate—your values, your habits, your strengths, and your expectations in different areas of life. It’s the rhythm that guides your personal and professional interactions. For some, this normal might be defined by a high-energy, go-getter attitude, while for others, it’s about careful thought, introspection, and consistency. Neither is right or wrong, but your normal is uniquely yours. However, the challenge arises when you feel compelled to hide or downplay your normal to fit into a room or a group of people who may operate differently. This could be the result of professional environments that reward only certain behaviors, social circles that value surface-level connections, or personal relationships where being authentically you is seen as a challenge to the status quo. The Cost of Being Quiet About Who You Are When you suppress your true self in an attempt to fit in or avoid conflict, you’re doing more than just holding back opinions—you’re holding back your value. Over time, this creates internal friction and dissatisfaction. The longer you stay quiet, the more you find yourself surrounded by people and situations that don’t align with your values or goals. As a result, you might end up feeling disconnected, undervalued, or resentful because you're not being seen for who you truly are. Beyond personal discomfort, being quiet about who you are can also have a broader impact on your professional and personal relationships. When others don’t know your true normal, they can’t align with you effectively. They may not understand what you value, how you work best, or what you need to feel supported. This misalignment can create strained relationships and missed opportunities for deeper connections. Owning Your Internal Value The antidote to this dilemma is simple: own your internal value. This doesn’t mean being loud, aggressive, or imposing your views on others. Instead, it’s about having the confidence to communicate what you bring to the table, setting boundaries, and knowing what you need to operate at your best. When you're transparent about what you can provide and what you expect, you attract situations, relationships, and opportunities that align with your strengths and goals. Owning your internal value also means acknowledging your limitations and being realistic about what you can or cannot contribute. It’s about being clear with yourself first and foremost, then expressing that clarity in the environments you operate in. This level of self-awareness allows you to measure your efforts effectively, so you're contributing in ways that feel sustainable and aligned with your true capabilities. Making Adult Decisions: Moving On from What Doesn’t Serve You Transparency in your relationships—both professional and personal—comes with a responsibility to make decisions about who and what aligns with your values. If you’re operating in spaces where you feel consistently out of sync, or where your internal value isn’t recognized, it's time to make an adult decision and move along. This doesn’t mean cutting people off or burning bridges—it means recognizing when a relationship, job, or environment is no longer serving you and taking steps to realign your path. The power of transparency lies in understanding that you have the autonomy to choose where you invest your energy. The beauty of making these decisions is that it doesn’t prevent you from operating in spaces where you may still need to collaborate with or engage with people who don’t fully align with your values. Professionalism and maturity allow you to coexist and function in environments with different perspectives, without compromising who you are. Operating in the Room with Those Who Don’t Align One of the most important lessons in adulthood is learning how to operate effectively with people who may not share your values, perspectives, or approach. Transparency about who you are doesn’t mean isolating yourself from others—it means standing firm in your value while still being able to navigate relationships with respect, professionalism, and grace. Being transparent about your normal gives you the ability to operate authentically in any room. It’s about being able to hold your ground without needing to impose your values on others. Whether it’s in a boardroom, a social event, or a family gathering, transparency enables you to engage fully without feeling the need to overexplain or shrink yourself to fit in. Transparency as a Tool for Growth Transparency about who you are and what your normal is can feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s a powerful tool for growth. It allows you to build stronger, more aligned relationships, make decisions that support your well-being, and operate in spaces with authenticity. In the long run, transparency fosters environments where you—and those around you—can thrive. The more transparent you are about your internal value, the easier it becomes to attract opportunities and relationships that genuinely align with your goals. It’s not about conforming to everyone else’s standards, but about standing firm in who you are, what you can provide, and making empowered choices that move you forward in both your personal and professional life.
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It's easy for conversations—especially in professional settings—to become surface-level exchanges of information. Yet, one simple question has the power to break down walls, build trust, and uncover deeper meaning in both professional and personal relationships: “Tell me where that’s coming from.”
At first glance, it may seem like a routine inquiry, but when asked with genuine curiosity and openness, this question can change the course of a conversation. It invites others to go beyond surface answers and reveal their motivations, emotions, and the underlying factors influencing their decisions or feelings. When posed with sincerity, it has the power to deepen relationships, create stronger connections, and foster a culture of empathy and understanding. The Intent Behind the Question “Tell me where that’s coming from” is not about demanding justification or placing someone on the defensive. Instead, it’s about seeking to understand the why behind someone’s words or actions. When asked with sincerity, it communicates that you value the other person's perspective and are willing to invest the time to truly understand their point of view. In professional settings, this question allows leaders, colleagues, and teams to connect on a deeper level, facilitating not only better collaboration but also more meaningful conversations. It’s about recognizing that behind every decision, comment, or concern, there is often a personal or professional experience that shapes it. By seeking to understand this, you create an environment of mutual respect and deeper communication. In personal relationships, asking "Tell me where that’s coming from" can help navigate difficult conversations, resolve conflicts, and create opportunities for vulnerability and connection. Whether it's a partner, friend, or family member, giving someone the space to explain their emotions or reactions can pave the way for deeper empathy and support. Genuine Curiosity: The Key to Its Power The true power of this question comes from genuine curiosity. If it’s asked out of obligation or as a placeholder in conversation, it will be seen as insincere, potentially causing more harm than good. However, when asked with a genuine desire to understand someone’s deeper feelings or motivations, it opens the door to more meaningful dialogue. In both professional and personal contexts, people want to feel seen and heard. By creating a space for individuals to share more than just their immediate thoughts, you validate their experiences. It signals that their perspective matters and that you're willing to take the time to understand where they're coming from, even if you may not fully agree. The Impact in Professional Relationships In the workplace, communication can often be transactional. Meetings, emails, and quick check-ins are driven by goals, deadlines, and tasks. Yet, even in these high-pressure environments, the question “Tell me where that’s coming from” can bring clarity, empathy, and cohesion to team dynamics. Consider a scenario where a team member is resistant to a proposed idea. Instead of dismissing their opposition or assuming they’re simply being difficult, asking them, “Tell me where that’s coming from” opens the door to understanding the root of their concerns. Perhaps they’ve had a past experience with a similar project that didn’t go well, or maybe they foresee challenges others haven't considered. By digging deeper, you can address the underlying issues and make more informed decisions that take all perspectives into account. Moreover, this question fosters psychological safety within a team. Employees feel more comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns when they know their viewpoint will be heard and respected, rather than brushed off. This can lead to more innovation, better problem-solving, and a stronger sense of unity within the workplace. The Impact in Personal Relationships In personal relationships, “Tell me where that’s coming from” can be a gateway to understanding the emotions and experiences that shape a loved one's actions. Relationships thrive when both parties feel safe to express their true feelings without fear of judgment. Asking this question during moments of tension or confusion shows that you're not just interested in resolving a surface-level issue, but that you want to understand the emotional layers beneath it. For example, during an argument, one partner might express frustration over something seemingly small, like being late for dinner. Instead of escalating the situation or brushing it off, asking “Tell me where that’s coming from” can reveal deeper feelings—maybe they felt unappreciated or overlooked. By addressing the real issue, both partners can work towards a solution that strengthens the relationship rather than glossing over it. Creating a Culture of Openness In both professional and personal settings, creating a culture of openness begins with asking the right questions and truly listening to the answers. “Tell me where that’s coming from” isn’t just a tool for conflict resolution or problem-solving; it’s a way to show people that their voice matters. It signals that you’re not just concerned with what they’re saying, but with why they’re saying it. It fosters a sense of respect, trust, and connection that can transform relationships. By encouraging openness, you create environments where people feel safe to be vulnerable, knowing they will be met with understanding rather than dismissal. This builds stronger, more resilient relationships—both in the boardroom and in personal life. The Value of Going Deeper In a world where so many conversations skim the surface, the question “Tell me where that’s coming from” invites us to dive deeper. It offers an opportunity to connect in more meaningful ways, to understand not just the words being spoken but the emotions, experiences, and motivations behind them. Whether in the workplace or in personal relationships, this question is a powerful tool for fostering empathy, building trust, and creating deeper value in the connections we make. When asked with genuine curiosity, it opens the door to conversations that matter and relationships that thrive. |
AuthorAshly Hughes Archives
October 2024
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